Bullying

[Fenella]

We hear a lot about bullying these days, especially in schools. I suppose it's always gone on but maybe we didn't hear about so much before.

Do you think that the victim of bullying should stand up to the bullies or just keep out of their way? So often we hear about the victim of school bullying being taken out of school for their own good, while the kids who were dong the bullying get to stay. Is that the way it should be? Isn't that just sending a message that the victim is somehow to blame? Surely it's the bullies who should be removed.

[Knickers71uk]

We hear a lot about bullying these days, especially in schools. I suppose it's always gone on but maybe we didn't hear about so much before.

Do you think that the victim of bullying should stand up to the bullies or just keep out of their way? So often we hear about the victim of school bullying being taken out of school for their own good, while the kids who were dong the bullying get to stay. Is that the way it should be? Isn't that just sending a message that the victim is somehow to blame? Surely it's the bullies who should be removed.

My son has been at the end of some severe bullying, and the only thing that has really worked has been him taking them on tbh. We tried to do everything to avoid that, because I don't advocate violence in any form, but ignoring them just made them worse. It became unbearable for him. Usuallly he tried to turn the other cheek, ignore them, but on one occasions one of the ring leader started in on him, physically, and he'd had enough, and my son lost it and laid into him, gave him a bloody nose. This kid leaves him alone now.

Trouble is some kids just become targets for the pyscho's, like they have a bullseye on their back, and it becomes nigh on impossible to lose that.

Some school's I have been to, its like watching a zoo, where the keepers have lost control and the animals all start throwing fruit at each other. They attack like hyena's in a pack, ripping into their target. Its full of skum of the earth and like a cesspit, I so glad I stopped my kids going there, and that I no longer have to see it.

[Fenella]

My son has been at the end of some severe bullying, and the only thing that has really worked has been him taking them on tbh. We tried to do everything to avoid that, because I don't advocate violence in any form, but ignoring them just made them worse. It became unbearable for him. Usuallly he tried to turn the other cheek, ignore them, but on one occasions one of the ring leader started in on him, physically, and he'd had enough, and my son lost it and laid into him, gave him a bloody nose. This kid leaves him alone now.

Trouble is some kids just become targets for the pyscho's, like they have a bullseye on their back, and it becomes nigh on impossible to lose that.

Some school's I have been to, its like watching a zoo, where the keepers have lost control and the animals all start throwing fruit at each other. They attack like hyena's in a pack, ripping into their target. Its full of skum of the earth and like a cesspit, I so glad I stopped my kids going there, and that I no longer have to see it.


A lot of people say that bullies should be ignored, but I think that just makes them worse because it annoys them and then they get even more vicious. I'm not sure what's the best thing to do. Good for your boy for doing that. He was provoked beyond endurance. Wouldn't the teachers do anything? Sometimes it seems to me that they turn a blind eye or even side with the bullies sometimes.

Some people say that bullies have themselves had a sad life so they take it out on others, but I don't think that's a good excuse.

I think the worst thing about bullying is the psychological damage it does. Physical violence is bad but the psychological damage can be worse. A victim of bullying often feels that it is their fault or they've done something wrong.

[Peccant]

I think the best way to deal with bullies is to let them see that their behaviour doesn't affect you. They are usually cowards and will only target those they see as weak, when in truth it is themselves who are weak and deficient, and their behaviour somehow assuages the inner turmoil they feel. Seeing someone else suffer is cathartic for them perhaps.
Sometimes, as in the case of Knickers' son, the sheer gang mentality makes this approach impossible and more affirmative action is required.

[Knickers71uk]

A lot of people say that bullies should be ignored, but I think that just makes them worse because it annoys them and then they get even more vicious. I'm not sure what's the best thing to do. Good for your boy for doing that. He was provoked beyond endurance. Wouldn't the teachers do anything? Sometimes it seems to me that they turn a blind eye or even side with the bullies sometimes.

Some people say that bullies have themselves had a sad life so they take it out on others, but I don't think that's a good excuse.

I think the worst thing about bullying is the psychological damage it does. Physical violence is bad but the psychological damage can be worse. A victim of bullying often feels that it is their fault or they've done something wrong.

Basically there is this huge bullshit about not making bully's, victims. So although they might get excluded (suspended) or internally excluded (separated into a special class) they see it like a badge of honour, and tbh it just makes things worse.

My son was once attacked by one of them with a piece of wood, he defended himself, with force, and they suspended him!!

I went nuts about it, cos he been to casualty twice, and we even had to move because of it, but the schools will not make the bullys into victims.

So I spoke to the police about it, and they said he is allowed to defend himself. Also they said that I can get them involved at anytime , however apparently in reality when I tried to, the police don't have jurisdiction in schools ...seriously ... they can do fuck all. Unless there has been a serious assault, or I have to take it up in a civil court way, which is mad!! Why should a school be beyond the law??

I agree about the psychological damage, bullys do not give a flying fuck what they are doing to their victims, in their own minds its somehow justified.

However no bullying is justified.

The lowest form of bullying IMO is when you get a pack of them, all going at their victim, its shows cowardice, and it shows what skum they really are, if they need back up to take on someone.

[Peccant]

My niece is a Karate green belt and was recently being bullied at church - at CHURCH FFS! - and her mum went down to speak to the church leaders. She said that my niece does Karate and knows how to defend herself. The church leaders said "as long as we don't see it...." basically a green light for her to defend herself against her bullies. I was quite surprised at that, but I think it is the right attitude. They can't do anything about it themselves because she is a foster child etc etc...

[Fenella]

Basically there is this huge bullshit about not making bully's, victims. So although they might get excluded (suspended) or internally excluded (separated into a special class) they see it like a badge of honour, and tbh it just makes things worse.

My son was once attacked by one of them with a piece of wood, he defended himself, with force, and they suspended him!!

I went nuts about it, cos he been to casualty twice, and we even had to move because of it, but the schools will not make the bullys into victims.

So I spoke to the police about it, and they said he is allowed to defend himself. Also they said that I can get them involved at anytime , however apparently in reality when I tried to, the police don't have jurisdiction in schools ...seriously ... they can do fuck all. Unless there has been a serious assault, or I have to take it up in a civil court way, which is mad!! Why should a school be beyond the law??

I agree about the psychological damage, bullys do not give a flying fuck what they are doing to their victims, in their own minds its somehow justified.

However no bullying is justified.

The lowest form of bullying IMO is when you get a pack of them, all going at their victim, its shows cowardice, and it shows what skum they really are, if they need back up to take on someone.

That's awful about your lad. Too often teachers just put it down to kids fighting with each other and they either blame the wrong one or they just think of it as schoolyard brawling.

What they need in schools is someone who can really look for this sort of thing. Teachers can't be everywhere and they have their own jobs to do, I think it's time that schools employed people to watch the kids and see who exactly is doing the bullying. It's too much of a problem now to ignore. That person should be totally unbiased, and could then report to the head teacher and action can be taken by the school, or if they refuse the police should be called in.

Kids do generally bully in packs, and that makes it worse for the victim because it reinforces the idea they might already have that they must be unlikable or something. If so many other kids tell them that they must start to believe it. That's what does the damage IMO, even more so than the physical harm.

[Fenella]

I think the best way to deal with bullies is to let them see that their behaviour doesn't affect you. They are usually cowards and will only target those they see as weak, when in truth it is themselves who are weak and deficient, and their behaviour somehow assuages the inner turmoil they feel. Seeing someone else suffer is cathartic for them perhaps.
Sometimes, as in the case of Knickers' son, the sheer gang mentality makes this approach impossible and more affirmative action is required.

It's difficult to appear completely indifferent to it though, especially for children. They don't have the wisdom or experience to be able to do that.

[Gemo52]

I think I read somewhere about a policeman or a community officer being employed by a school. I haven’t managed to find the story yet.

I think bullies are insecure, inadequates who use violence to compensate for their inferiorities. From what I remember of bullies in school they often licked the teachers’ arses so they often got away with it.

[Knickers71uk]

I think I read somewhere about a policeman or a community officer being employed by a school. I haven’t managed to find the story yet.

I think bullies are insecure, inadequates who use violence to compensate for their inferiorities. From what I remember of bullies in school they often licked the teachers’ arses so they often got away with it.

Trouble is its not the violent bullys ya got to watch out for. The psychological ones are the worst IMO, cos its them, that drive kids to suicide, in fact its not just kids that do this , adults are very much capable of doing it, also.

[Peccant]

Yes there have been many reports of kids hanging themselves or taking an overdose because they can't handle the taunts any more. It's sad, because if they could just see how inferior the cretins that are trying to ruin their lives are, it could make such a difference.

[Gemo52]

Trouble is its not the violent bullys ya got to watch out for. The psychological ones are the worst IMO, cos its them, that drive kids to suicide, in fact its not just kids that do this , adults are very much capable of doing it, also.

I couldn’t think of a term that covered, psychological bullying (I’ve just seen that peccant has it – taunting).

I think psychological bullying is worse than violence, it lingers longer and is often hidden.

When someone is beaten up they have physical evidence if they want to report an incident, they can’t do that if they are psychologically bullied, and the bullies will invariably pick on something that the victim won’t want to talk about and repeating the taunts to a third party would add to their discomfort.

[Frank Bitcher]

Online bullying is easy enough to stop. Find them and give them a good hiding.

The same goes for real life bullying.

[Adam]

I think all forms of bullying is disgusting - and I also think the schools have the opportunity to stamp it out before it happens: When these kids start school.

I think this: http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-8221.html along with many other things, would be good in stamping out bullying - because it would teach people to accept others no matter what they looked like, their sexual preference, race, etc.

I think the schools are largely to blame, to be honest, for not teaching people that everyone is equal at an early stage. Parents are also to blame - but kids spend most of their time at school for a huge chunk of their life.